Beyond Roles: A Journaling Practice That Moves You Forward (Not Just Around in Circles)

Key Points

• Many women in midlife feel lost when roles shift or disappear (retirement, empty nest, divorce, caregiving changes), because identity has been unconsciously tied to what they do rather than who they are.

• Traditional journaling can turn into rumination, keeping people stuck in analysis instead of creating emotional integration, body awareness, and forward movement.

• The Creative Reflection Pages process combines prompts, writing, visual expression, and integration, helping women reconnect with intrinsic worth, move beyond role-based identity, and take small, meaningful actions rooted in their true self.

I used to answer journaling prompts like a champ — the overachiever, the grade‑A student, the one with perfectly formed sentences and thoughtful insights.

But all the beautiful journaling in the world wasn’t making anything happen.

I wasn’t healing.
I wasn’t transforming.
I was performing.

I was staying stuck in my head.

And that’s when I realized:
I didn’t just need more words — I needed a different way of showing up on the page.

Why Most Journal Prompts Don’t Transform

Traditional prompts often make us:

• Stay in our thinking mind

• Re‑analyze old patterns

• Spin in circles

• Answer the question without accessing the truth beneath the question

Especially for women in the second half of life — navigating retirement, identity shifts, grief, menopause, empty‑nest transitions, or shifting purpose — journal prompts can feel like homework.

And homework doesn’t heal.

What Changed for Me

I filled journal after journal with words that didn’t lead to action.
I still journal. I love writing. But something shifted when I started to ask different kinds of questions — ones that invited body, image, and intuition into the conversation.

And that’s when the transformation began.

I call this approach Creative Reflection Pages.

It’s a practice I’ve been living for more than a decade, and it’s helped thousands of women in my programs, retreats, and communities. It blends:

1. Prompt — a question that invites presence

2. Reflect — short writing or felt response

3. Create — visual expression (sketch, symbol, color)

4. Integrate — a second reflection that connects meaning to action

It’s not about making art.
It’s about making meaning.

An Example: Identity Beyond Roles

One of the most common experiences women 55+ face is this:

“Who am I now… if I’m not my job, my kids’ mom, my spouse, my caregiver, my role?”

That shift can leave the body tight, the shoulders up, the thoughts racing — and nothing to anchor the inner sense of self.

Here’s how we explore that with Creative Reflection Pages:

Prompt:
Who am I now, beyond my roles?

Reflect:

• When I loosen my grip on my roles, my body feels…

• If I’m not needed, I fear I will…

• What I want to reclaim for me is…

Create:
Draw two simple silhouettes:

• One for your “Role‑Self”

• One for your “True‑Self”

Connect them with a bridge — maybe you label it insight or vision.

Integrate:

• The truth underneath my roles is…

• This week I will belong to myself by…

That’s a page. Not pages. Not essays.
A page that moves you.

Why This Works

Because we’re not just thinking.
We’re feeling.
We’re seeing.
We’re embodying.

When truth lives in the body and the image — not just in the words — shift happens.

And that’s how we step into the truth that we are:
inherently worthy, inherently visible, and inherently whole — simply because we exist.

⭐ Watch the Experience

If you’re ready to see this practice in action, I walk you through it step by step in this video:

Youtube Video

💬 Your Turn

Tell me in the comments or on social:
Have you ever felt stuck in your journal — even when you wanted transformation?

Let’s explore this together.

Video Transcript

[0:01] : I used to answer journal prompts like a
[0:05] : champ. Overachiever,
[0:08] : gradea student, I wanted to get it
[0:11] : right.
[0:13] : But all the journaling in the world
[0:15] : wasn't making anything happen. In fact,
[0:18] : when I had that insight that I was
[0:20] : performing, not connecting to myself,
[0:25] : not creating healing or transformation
[0:27] : that I was seeking, but simply staying
[0:30] : stuck in that good student role, I knew
[0:33] : there needed to be a different, more
[0:36] : insightful way of showing up on the
[0:39] : page. Hi, I'm Dr. Manette Ryarden. I'm
[0:42] : the founder of Mindful Patterns. Here at
[0:44] : Mindful Patterns, we believe in the
[0:47] : power of art as a tool for personal
[0:51] : growth and self-discovery. And there's
[0:53] : something magical about the combination
[0:57] : of written and visual reflection that
[1:01] : creates true and lasting change in our
[1:05] : bodies. It becomes a whole body
[1:08] : experience instead of a rumination
[1:12] : without action. I have filled journal
[1:15] : after journal after journal with words
[1:18] : that didn't lead to action.
[1:21] : I still do that, don't get me wrong. But
[1:25] : I found that when I started looking for
[1:27] : the questions beneath the questions that
[1:30] : something shifted, something changed and
[1:33] : I was able to spend less time in my
[1:36] : journal, more time taking action and to
[1:40] : see true shifts in my own thinking, my
[1:44] : own beliefs, and my own sense of
[1:47] : identity. So our company really focuses
[1:51] : on working with women 55 plus who feel
[1:55] : caught in that midlife and postmidlife
[1:59] : liinal space of who am I? What's my
[2:02] : purpose? What's next? I just retired or
[2:07] : I became an empty neester or I'm
[2:09] : recently divorced or widowed and I don't
[2:12] : know who I am anymore. I cannot tell you
[2:15] : how many women say this to me over and
[2:18] : over again.
[2:21] : And what I want to share with you today
[2:23] : is a an example of my creative
[2:26] : reflection pages process. I introduced
[2:29] : this in another video a couple of days
[2:32] : ago. So if you haven't watched that one,
[2:34] : it's all about why morning pages didn't
[2:36] : work for me. You can get a lengthier
[2:39] : description of the process. Today I want
[2:41] : to give you an experience
[2:43] : if I can talk. I want to give you an
[2:45] : experience of that process. And as I was
[2:48] : going through the prompts for myself, I
[2:52] : feel
[2:54] : pretty connected to who I am at this
[2:57] : point. I just turned 61. I love my work.
[3:00] : I'm a happy empty neester and caregiver
[3:05] : for parents and young adult children.
[3:08] : But the caregiving is lovely, not
[3:11] : intense at this particular moment in
[3:14] : stage in time.
[3:17] : But I notice when I started to really
[3:20] : think about the roles that I play and
[3:22] : what happens when those roles shift,
[3:25] : change or completely fall away. I felt
[3:28] : my body tense up in my ears,
[3:32] : my shoulders start to go up around my
[3:34] : ears. So I think it's still a really
[3:37] : important question for us to contemplate
[3:40] : and contemplate.
[3:42] : And I find that those places where we
[3:46] : feel most stuck
[3:49] : often come with an unconscious shift in
[3:52] : identity. a place in our lives where
[3:55] : we're between roles, where we're between
[4:00] : identities even and we don't know how to
[4:04] : let go of the other one. We're not clear
[4:07] : about the next one. So, we get stuck
[4:11] : in this spinny place. And the journal
[4:14] : can become a page or a place for healing
[4:18] : and helping us move forward. Or
[4:22] : conversely, it can keep us in that mixer
[4:26] : where we're creaming the eggs and the
[4:28] : sugar for way too long. You know what I
[4:31] : mean? Those of you that love to bake.
[4:34] : But when we learn a better way to let go
[4:38] : of all the things that we've done, we
[4:40] : start to ask, who am I? So that's what
[4:44] : today's experience is all about is
[4:47] : really answering this question for women
[4:50] : 55 and over. And it's certainly not a
[4:53] : question that is limited to women. It is
[4:57] : all any gender experiences this crisis
[5:01] : of identity multiple times.
[5:04] : But in my work, I feel a sense of
[5:07] : urgency in women 55 and over to answer
[5:12] : this question, to have some some
[5:14] : certainty. And I think in my own
[5:17] : prejournaling practice, I saw some
[5:19] : glimpses of why that is. So, I'm going
[5:21] : to change my camera over
[5:25] : here. Make sure I've got my notes so I
[5:28] : don't forget where I'm going. I think
[5:29] : I'm going to play here with some oil
[5:32] : pastels today. I really love how creamy
[5:36] : they are. Get my camera set up a little
[5:39] : bit differently. Bear with me for just
[5:42] : one minute. And so for this creative
[5:45] : reflection pages process, which I'm
[5:47] : really just starting to share, it's been
[5:50] : something that I have done personally
[5:53] : for about the last decade. This is my
[5:57] : approach to morning pages. It's my
[6:00] : approach to
[6:04] : uh traditional journal prompts. And I'm
[6:06] : one of those people that I buy all those
[6:08] : beautiful journals full of prompts. I
[6:11] : create lots of prompts. And I'm noticing
[6:14] : that I'm longing for something deeper,
[6:18] : something that I can do in 15 minutes or
[6:20] : less, but also something that invites
[6:25] : action, that invites change and
[6:28] : transformation
[6:30] : as opposed to getting caught in self
[6:32] : analysis.
[6:34] : So, I've got some oil pastels here. I've
[6:37] : got just one of my favorite writing pens
[6:40] : at the moment, which changes almost
[6:42] : daily. I am truly a pen junkie.
[6:47] : And the question, the prompt that I'm
[6:50] : starting with, so let me see if I can go
[6:54] : back here in my journal
[6:58] : quickly. And of course, it's going to be
[7:00] : in a different part of my journal.
[7:04] : So, this is my teaching work journal.
[7:07] : You can see these are some of my own
[7:10] : creative reflection pages process.
[7:13] : They're pretty simple.
[7:15] : Not a lot of words here. And I was
[7:19] : looking for where I drew out my There it
[7:22] : is. I knew it was in here somewhere. So,
[7:25] : in my first video, I went into this in
[7:27] : more detail.
[7:30] : The video is titled something like uh
[7:32] : why morning pages didn't work for me and
[7:35] : what I do instead. This is what I do
[7:37] : instead. I always start with a prompt.
[7:39] : And throughout this year, I'm going to
[7:41] : be sharing these prompts with you. And
[7:44] : these prompts are mostly targeting women
[7:47] : 55 and over because it's the audience
[7:50] : that I'm in and that I'm passionate
[7:52] : about supporting. But there's always
[7:54] : something for everyone here. So, if
[7:56] : you're here, welcome. Glad to have you.
[7:58] : Be sure and hit that subscribe button as
[8:00] : well as the like button so you get
[8:02] : notified when I release new content.
[8:05] : Plus, we will be sharing out some of our
[8:09] : prompts in advance and some other fun
[8:12] : bonuses for our subscribers as well.
[8:16] : This is such a simple process of
[8:19] : starting with a prompt. As soon as you
[8:21] : start with a prompt, you get over the
[8:22] : fear of the blank page really fast. Then
[8:25] : we're going to reflect. Sometimes you
[8:27] : might reflect first in writing.
[8:28] : Sometimes that reflection might be
[8:30] : visual. And I'm going to show you that
[8:32] : difference today. And then after this
[8:34] : writing and creating, there needs to be
[8:37] : a place of integration. And integration
[8:40] : is where that healing happens. And so
[8:43] : today, I'm actually going to give you a
[8:45] : few different prompts to lead down to
[8:48] : the creative to see if we can again get
[8:51] : below the surface of that question of
[8:54] : who am I? to really understand how our
[8:58] : loss of identity really impacts us at
[9:01] : every fiber of our being. And so my
[9:06] : question for today is who am I now?
[9:11] : And you don't need to be able to read
[9:12] : that. I know I'm writing really small.
[9:15] : Who am I now beyond my roles?
[9:21] : And if you've never thought of yourself
[9:23] : in the light of the roles that you play,
[9:28] : it might be necessary to simply spend a
[9:32] : moment and think about, well, what are
[9:35] : the roles that I play? And what the heck
[9:38] : does Manette mean when she says the
[9:40] : roles I play? So mother, sister,
[9:43] : daughter, wife, auntie, cousin, lover,
[9:48] : partner, spouse, bff, um career is a
[9:53] : role, identity. You know, I'm a
[9:55] : therapist, I'm a librarian, I'm a
[9:58] : lawyer. And what happens throughout our
[10:01] : life is we overidentify with the role
[10:05] : until the role becomes
[10:08] : what we think of as our true self. So
[10:11] : when that role changes, for example,
[10:13] : when you retire
[10:15] : from a multi-deade career, all of a
[10:20] : sudden that identity disappears with the
[10:24] : role and you start to really question,
[10:27] : well, who am I? And what value am I
[10:30] : offering if I'm not in that role? Or if
[10:34] : you have been a stay-at-home mom and
[10:37] : then all of a sudden the kids are gone
[10:38] : and you find yourself being an empty
[10:40] : neester and mom was your core role and
[10:44] : core identity. The loss of that role can
[10:48] : send us into a pit of despair. We're
[10:54] : grieving and celebrating our kids going
[10:57] : off to start their own lives. grieving
[10:59] : for ourselves, celebrating for them, and
[11:02] : again wondering what do I do now? What's
[11:05] : next for me? Other people step in to
[11:08] : these huge major transitions with a lot
[11:10] : of enthusiasm and excitement. Oh, I'm
[11:14] : finally going to, and yet we keep
[11:17] : getting pulled and trapped by this. Yes,
[11:20] : I can do that, but what about this other
[11:23] : identity over here? So it's not until we
[11:26] : fully understand
[11:29] : that our identity is beyond the roles we
[11:32] : play that we can move on. So the first
[11:35] : question of who am I? Who am I now
[11:39] : beyond my roles? Is to ask yourself when
[11:44] : I loosen my grip on my roles my body
[11:48] : feels. We're going to go deep really
[11:50] : fast here my friends. When I loosen my
[11:53] : grip on my rolls, my body feels. And
[11:57] : when I first read that,
[12:00] : the thing that I heard was that I feel
[12:04] : lost.
[12:05] : I feel fragmented.
[12:08] : So again, we're using words and imagery
[12:11] : here to get to the core of the matter,
[12:13] : to get there fast, and to decide what's
[12:16] : next from this one little moment. We're
[12:19] : not looking to change our whole lives.
[12:21] : were looking to get clarity on who am I
[12:23] : now beyond my roles. And I felt in my
[12:26] : body that this very visceral kind of
[12:30] : sense of, you know, this fragmented
[12:35] : amoeba with lots of arms and it's kind
[12:38] : of, you know, loose and it just there's
[12:42] : no shape to it. Like I can't get my arms
[12:45] : around it. The word I'm hearing in my
[12:48] : head is literally it feels a little
[12:50] : pokey, right? It feels a little pokey.
[12:54] : And yet there's also kind of this
[12:56] : vacuum. You can see why I love oil
[12:58] : pastels. They're so simple and easy to
[13:01] : create, right? And there's kind of like
[13:04] : this um there's a hole.
[13:08] : There's a hole in my soul. There's a
[13:10] : hole in my art. And I feel this even
[13:13] : though as I said at the beginning I
[13:15] : think I'm pretty clear about my roles
[13:17] : but clearly this is how it feels. I
[13:20] : remember when I've been in these huge
[13:23] : shifts
[13:25] : where I went from one career to the next
[13:28] : when I became an empty neester. when I
[13:31] : moved cross country for the first time,
[13:32] : lived in Texas my whole life and then
[13:35] : moved to California
[13:38] : in my early 20s to get my doctorate at
[13:41] : Stanford University. And there was this
[13:43] : huge identity crisis that I wasn't
[13:46] : expecting when all of the sudden I was
[13:48] : thousands of miles away from my family
[13:51] : and my home of origin. I felt lost. It
[13:54] : was another one of those moments where I
[13:57] : felt like I don't know who I am in this
[13:59] : new context, this new place. So,
[14:02] : anything can spark this. But what's most
[14:05] : important here for healing and
[14:06] : transformation is to name the feeling.
[14:10] : To simply name the feeling.
[14:13] : And then the second part of this prompt
[14:15] : is I know how I'm feeling.
[14:18] : And especially for women who are
[14:21] : caregivers, this one really hits us at
[14:24] : the core.
[14:26] : Or those of you that had very successful
[14:28] : professional careers as well, this can
[14:30] : really hit you at the depth of your
[14:33] : being and your value and your sense of
[14:35] : self-worth. So if I'm not needed,
[14:39] : if I'm not needed,
[14:43] : I fear I will. And all these prompts
[14:46] : will be in the description of this
[14:48] : video. You don't need to read my
[14:49] : handwriting here. Tiny on your screen.
[14:53] : If I'm not needed, I fear I will
[14:56] : disappear
[14:58] : was the word that came to my mind. I
[15:01] : fear I will disappear. I will vanish.
[15:06] : I hear from women, especially women who
[15:09] : are recently retired, that they feel
[15:12] : invisible.
[15:14] : If I'm not needed, I fear I will
[15:16] : disappear. I'll f vanish. I'll become
[15:19] : invisible.
[15:22] : I won't feel worthy. I won't understand
[15:27] : how to make a contribution.
[15:30] : Like, what good am I? Might be a
[15:33] : question. It popped into my head. Maybe
[15:35] : it pop into your head. If I'm not
[15:37] : needed, then who the f am I? So, if
[15:43] : you're opposed to cuss words, this may
[15:45] : not be the video series for you because
[15:47] : I like a good fbomb. So, if I'm not
[15:50] : needed, who the am I? And this is
[15:53] : our opportunity for transformation right
[15:56] : here. Noticing and naming what my fear
[16:00] : is. Gives me that opportunity to go, but
[16:04] : I want to be the queen of my own story.
[16:07] : I say that it's the name of my channel.
[16:10] : But if I feel invisible, how do I make
[16:13] : that happen? Right? So, you can see that
[16:15] : inside our bodies, we're feeling all
[16:17] : these contradictions. And with a few
[16:19] : sketches and a few words, we can really
[16:21] : tap in and understand what's the core.
[16:26] : So, what do I want to reclaim?
[16:29] : Knowing that beyond my roles, all of a
[16:32] : sudden, I feel lost, fragmented, maybe a
[16:35] : little pokey. There's a vacuum. And all
[16:38] : of those feelings means that I fear I'm
[16:41] : going to disappear. I'm going to vanish.
[16:44] : I'm going to be invisible. No one is
[16:46] : going to care about me. Right? I won't
[16:48] : be making a contribution.
[16:50] : So we feel again this loss and this
[16:54] : sense of feeling invisible is so common
[16:56] : and so normal especially for people in
[16:59] : just in those first few years after
[17:01] : retirement.
[17:03] : And then I want to ask the most
[17:06] : important question. What I want to
[17:08] : reclaim
[17:10] : what what I I can't spell today.
[17:15] : What I want to reclaim
[17:19] : for myself
[17:26] : gold star for you if you can read that.
[17:27] : What I want to reclaim for myself is or
[17:32] : what I want to reclaim for me is I want
[17:36] : to reclaim
[17:38] : the opposite of these. I want to reclaim
[17:42] : worthiness,
[17:47] : visibility,
[17:51] : intrinsic self-worth.
[17:54] : I want to make that shift from thinking
[17:56] : that my worthiness and my value comes
[17:59] : from my roles back to the truth of I am
[18:05] : inherently worthy because I exist. And
[18:09] : this is a hard one to unravel and
[18:12] : reweave the thread of that story. But
[18:15] : what I want to reclaim for myself is
[18:17] : worthiness, visibility. I want to
[18:20] : reclaim desire, dreams,
[18:25] : contribution, value, right? There's so
[18:29] : many things
[18:31] : that will help me become the queen of my
[18:34] : own story
[18:36] : regardless of the role I'm playing.
[18:39] : So, you can see in this one simple page,
[18:42] : I uncovered a feeling, right? A fear and
[18:47] : what I want instead. in this simple
[18:50] : little short progress. But we're not
[18:52] : done yet. Bear with me. So, the next
[18:55] : thing I want to do is I want to go a
[18:57] : little deeper into the visual part of
[18:59] : this because what I've discovered about
[19:01] : the creative reflection pages process is
[19:04] : that the more that we go into the visual
[19:07] : part of this process,
[19:10] : the more we get out of that overthinking
[19:12] : head back into our feeling, intuitive,
[19:15] : unconscious bodies where truth lives,
[19:18] : where our intrinsic value and worth
[19:20] : live. And what I'm going to invite you
[19:23] : to do here with me is to draw two simple
[19:27] : silhouettes, stick figures actually. And
[19:30] : one is your role self and one is your
[19:34] : true self. Right? So if I think about my
[19:37] : role self,
[19:40] : I have been an entrepreneur and an
[19:44] : academic
[19:47] : pretty much on and off my whole life.
[19:50] : I've loved books and learning. I loved
[19:54] : being, you know, if I had to name
[19:58] : that role self,
[20:03] : she's the achiever, right? She's the
[20:06] : achiever. But if I come over here
[20:10] : and I draw my
[20:13] : true self,
[20:21] : I love stick figures for this kind of
[20:23] : work. Fast and easy.
[20:26] : My true self,
[20:30] : right? Or even my soul self
[20:35] : outside of needing to achieve to prove
[20:39] : that I'm worthy, my true self.
[20:44] : I'm feeling this in my heart space,
[20:46] : right? My true self
[20:52] : is love.
[20:57] : My true self
[20:59] : is valued
[21:02] : because I am.
[21:07] : I am right. I am worthy. There's a
[21:11] : reason why affirmations are so popular,
[21:14] : but we have to feel those in our body,
[21:17] : right? My true self is love. Knows that
[21:20] : I am valued simply because I am.
[21:25] : And if I think about how can I create a
[21:28] : bridge
[21:30] : between my role self and my true self so
[21:33] : I can step out of whatever role that is
[21:37] : achiever
[21:39] : mom daughter
[21:42] : wife
[21:44] : entrepreneur right biz owner for me like
[21:47] : there's so many artists I could list
[21:51] : these roles that I played but the c from
[21:54] : my true self. Look how simple it is. And
[21:57] : so the bridge
[22:00] : for me between these two is vision.
[22:06] : And what I mean by vision here is um
[22:11] : maybe a better word for that is uh
[22:13] : insight, right? Is insight
[22:18] : is the bridge between that role self and
[22:21] : that true self. When I pause in this
[22:25] : creative reflection pages process to
[22:28] : really get that my role self and my true
[22:31] : self are separate that my true self is
[22:34] : the beauty beneath all the roles I
[22:37] : played that I don't have to keep doing
[22:40] : but I can be valued for my being that
[22:42] : flows from insight and reflection.
[22:47] : So simple processes here to celebrate
[22:51] : the truth we're being. So the truth
[22:53] : underneath all these roles is that I am
[22:56] : valuable and worthy simply because I am.
[23:00] : And one thing I can do this week is our
[23:03] : final wrap up piece of this process to
[23:07] : move from rumination into action. Right?
[23:11] : The one simple thing I can do for me
[23:14] : personally
[23:16] : to recognize my value is to make time
[23:20] : for play, to make time for art, to make
[23:23] : time for something that celebrates who I
[23:27] : am, not what I'm doing, but who I'm
[23:30] : being. So that my loves is a little bit
[23:34] : about how do we go from who am I now
[23:37] : beyond my roles? How do we use the
[23:39] : creative reflection pages process to
[23:42] : really
[23:44] : connect more deeply with how we're being
[23:46] : to get to the truth fast and to see
[23:49] : where we can make simple small changes
[23:54] : that lead to big wins like knowing that
[23:56] : I am worthy. Let me know what you think.
[24:00] : Thank you for being here. So appreciate
[24:03] : all of you. [snorts] Come back over here
[24:05] : to just me talking again. I'm Dr.
[24:08] : Manette Ryarden. And you can find out
[24:10] : more about me on my website at manette
[24:12] : ryarden.com. Or check out some of my
[24:15] : other videos here on YouTube. I think
[24:18] : there's well over 300 videos at this
[24:20] : point of me sharing my personal creative
[24:23] : practice in the hope that it will
[24:25] : inspire you to get out of that
[24:28] : ruminating and back into being and
[24:30] : seeing your beauty, your worthiness, and
[24:32] : becoming the queen of your own story.
[24:34] : Thanks for being here.