Grief Isn’t Something You Get Over — It’s Something You Meet Again and Again

Key Points

• Grief that isn’t expressed doesn’t disappear — it gets stored in the body, often showing up as heaviness, tension, overwhelm, or emotional shutdown.

• Creative Reflection Pages combine writing, visual expression, and integration to help emotions move instead of staying trapped in mental rumination.

• Making grief visible through art creates a safe container for release, allowing feelings to flow out of the body with compassion rather than suppression.

We’ve all been there — responding to journal prompts line by line, thinking we’re doing the work, only to find ourselves in the same place emotionally months later.

The problem isn’t the question — it’s that most prompts keep us in the thinking mind, searching for the “right” answer, looping through analysis, and staying rooted in concepts rather than lived experience.

But grief isn’t a concept.
Grief is felt.
Grief shows up in the body — a tightness in the shoulders, a hollow in the chest, a pull in the belly.

This is why my Creative Reflection Pages process invites the body, the image, and the felt sense into the conversation — not to avoid words, but to transform them.

Today’s Practice: Meeting Unresolved Grief

1. Prompt:

🖋 What grief am I still carrying?

Unlike traditional prompts that aim for essays or explanations, your first task is simply to notice — and name — the grief that hasn’t yet found expression.

2. Reflect:

• Grief lives in my body like…
  
• I learned to grieve by… (staying strong, staying quiet, moving on)
  
• What grief actually wants is… (witness, rest, ritual, expression)
  

Allow yourself to feel the answers — not figure them out.

3. Create:

Invite your inner world onto the page in a different way.

• Tear paper to hold weight or rupture
  
• Add one symbol of love or sorrow — a flower, candle, heart, star, or simple stick figure
  
• Use color and marks to express your felt sense
  

This isn’t art.
It’s meaning made visible.

4. Integrate:

Now return to the page and write:

• “I will honor this grief by…”
  

The integration phase is where transformation begins — not just insight, but intention grounded in your body and your page.

Why This Works

Traditional journaling keeps us in circles.
Creative Reflection Pages invite presence.
They help you work with your experience — not just write about it.

This is especially powerful for women 55+ — navigating shifts in identity, roles, and life chapters — when grief shows up unexpectedly and deeply.

Youtube Video

Transcript

00:01 -> Hi, I'm Dr. Manette Ryarden. If you've
00:04 -> ever carried unresolved grief like a
00:08 -> weight in your body that you don't know
00:11 -> how to release, then today's video using
00:13 -> the creative reflection pages process
00:16 -> was for you. This process can really
00:19 -> help us meet grief with curiosity,
00:23 -> with compassion,
00:25 -> and with a lot of truth.
00:27 -> The reality is that most of us were
00:29 -> never taught how to deal grief. We
00:32 -> weren't given permission to express our
00:36 -> emotions.
00:38 -> There was no language, no process for
00:42 -> exploring the depth of emotion that we
00:45 -> might be feeling at a loss, a
00:47 -> separation,
00:48 -> or some of the global anxiety that we're
00:51 -> all experiencing right now. And some of
00:55 -> the grief that we may experience in the
00:58 -> moment can seem extra intense because of
01:02 -> unresolved grief that we've been
01:04 -> carrying or the fact that we were never
01:08 -> given a language, a process, a way to
01:12 -> move through emotions to get them up and
01:15 -> out.
01:17 -> I remember when my dad's mom passed away
01:22 -> and
01:24 -> I was crying and feeling sad and trying
01:27 -> to talk to an adult about it and this
01:30 -> adult looked at me, we were in the car
01:32 -> and said, "You weren't even that close
01:35 -> to her." in a way that just stopped
01:40 -> me from feeling safe expressing my
01:42 -> emotions and stopped me from continuing
01:46 -> to speak and caused me to go within. And
01:49 -> it took me a long time, well into my
01:53 -> 50s, to recognize how much of that
01:57 -> stored grief I was holding on to that
02:00 -> felt unresolved. That I never felt like
02:03 -> I had a safe place to really let some of
02:06 -> those emotions up and out. And for me,
02:10 -> painting is one of the ways that I do
02:12 -> that. In particular, painting big. I've
02:14 -> done a couple of really large expressive
02:18 -> paintings that I just poured that out
02:20 -> onto the page and I have the space to do
02:24 -> that and I have the material to do that
02:26 -> but I don't always have the time or the
02:31 -> guidance or the opportunity to paint big
02:34 -> and maybe you don't either. So what I
02:36 -> want to share with you today is a way
02:39 -> that in our journals we can use my
02:42 -> creative reflection pages process to
02:46 -> explore unresolved grief or any grief
02:49 -> that you might be feeling right now here
02:52 -> today. I know that I have been feeling a
02:56 -> bit overwhelmed, a bit overwhelmed.
02:59 -> I won't diminish it with sadness over
03:03 -> the last few weeks by what is happening
03:06 -> here in our country.
03:09 -> And I knew that I needed a way to pour
03:12 -> that out. And I do that for me in a few
03:14 -> different ways through my creative
03:16 -> reflection pages process, but also
03:18 -> simply naming it. Naming it out loud.
03:23 -> Saying, "I'm sad. I'm grieving. I feel
03:27 -> lost. I feel helpless.
03:30 -> Sometimes grief can rise up and bite us
03:35 -> in the bum like a pesky puppy and say,
03:38 -> "Hello, I'm still here." It could be a
03:41 -> loss of a loved one from decades ago. It
03:45 -> could be a childhood loss of a beloved
03:48 -> pet that you weren't allowed to grieve.
03:51 -> It could be a loss of a job, an
03:53 -> opportunity, a promotion, something that
03:57 -> you wanted that didn't happen. All of
03:59 -> this grief piles up inside of us until
04:04 -> it overflows and it needs a place to go.
04:07 -> So today, the process I want to share is
04:10 -> how do we create a place on the page for
04:13 -> all this emotion to go so that we're not
04:16 -> trying to stuff it down or contain it
04:19 -> within or spill it all over everyone
04:23 -> else. Especially if you don't have
04:26 -> someone in your life who can hold that
04:28 -> space for you. Your journal becomes this
04:31 -> sacred container
04:33 -> for being able to express the depth of
04:36 -> the emotions that you're feeling. So,
04:38 -> I'm going to change my camera over here.
04:43 -> And if you are new to this video, I have
04:46 -> a a longer video from earlier this month
04:49 -> where I go a little bit deeper into and
04:53 -> there should be a link um showing on the
04:55 -> screen right now where you can link to
04:57 -> the video where I describe this process
04:59 -> in depth. I call it the creative
05:01 -> reflection pages and it's a combination
05:04 -> of reflecting
05:07 -> visual creating and then integrating
05:09 -> what we see. And this to me is the magic
05:12 -> step where healing happens. Right? So,
05:16 -> traditional journaling prompts can keep
05:18 -> us ruminating or in our heads, but when
05:21 -> we have a great prompt, and there's a
05:24 -> lot of really great journal prompts out
05:26 -> there, and we can reflect in writing,
05:29 -> and then we can also reflect visually
05:32 -> and creatively, then we can really
05:36 -> access those emotions at a whole new
05:39 -> level of depth. And then when we pause
05:42 -> and integrate, we use our intuition to
05:46 -> really interpretate what's showing up on
05:48 -> the page, movement happens, right?
05:51 -> Movement happens. And these stages are
05:55 -> definitely interchangeable. In fact, uh
05:57 -> working with grief or big emotions, um
06:00 -> for me, anger is a big emotion, a
06:02 -> tricky, challenging one. And so, you
06:06 -> know, I also would add here that um
06:11 -> this is a great for dealing with any big
06:13 -> emotions this process, but sometimes we
06:15 -> have to create before we can reflect.
06:18 -> So, as you watch me during this video,
06:20 -> you may decide that you need to do the
06:23 -> the visual creative first and the
06:26 -> reflecting and integration second. So,
06:28 -> those steps are definitely
06:30 -> interchangeable.
06:32 -> So, it always starts with a question.
06:35 -> And my question today is, "What grief am
06:39 -> I still carrying?" Or it could even be,
06:41 -> "What grief am I carrying today?" If
06:44 -> you're feeling present moment grief, I
06:47 -> have a lot of women in my sisterhood of
06:50 -> wisdom and wonder who have lost their
06:53 -> life partners
06:55 -> and some recently, some within the last
06:59 -> five years, some decades ago. But that
07:01 -> grief still comes back to get us as I
07:05 -> get older. I'm looking at anticipatory
07:07 -> grief as my parents age, right? I'm
07:10 -> grieving the loss of parents and
07:13 -> grandparents long gone now. So notice
07:18 -> what grief am I still carrying? And
07:20 -> first answer, best answer. Don't
07:22 -> overthink your answers to these prompts.
07:27 -> And then I really created this process
07:30 -> for me because I found that long form
07:35 -> stream of consciousness journaling
07:37 -> morning pages style did not work for me.
07:39 -> It works so beautifully for some people
07:42 -> and is a powerful process, but I wanted
07:45 -> something that was a little more
07:46 -> directive. I needed some anchors to keep
07:49 -> me out of spinning mode and starting to
07:51 -> really discern what it is that I'm
07:54 -> actually feeling so healing can happen.
07:58 -> So when I think about grief lives in my
08:01 -> body, like these are just simple fill in
08:04 -> the brink like like it feels like a
08:07 -> stone.
08:11 -> And I can feel it in my gut,
08:15 -> but it's also a weight on my shoulders,
08:18 -> in the tenseness of my shoulders.
08:21 -> So, you can write as much or as little
08:24 -> as you choose here, right? But you don't
08:27 -> have to write a lot. And so that this
08:29 -> video doesn't become too crazy long, I'm
08:33 -> going to keep my writing short. I did
08:36 -> spend some time with the prompts um
08:40 -> ahead of time, so I'm pretty clear about
08:42 -> my own reflection here.
08:46 -> And I learned as a child that I must
08:50 -> grieve by keeping silent.
08:54 -> It's still hard for me to cry because
08:57 -> there were multiple times when I was
08:59 -> told not to cry to get over it when I
09:01 -> was sad or upset by something. And so I
09:05 -> was learned I must grieve by keeping
09:06 -> silent and not speaking out. And now
09:10 -> what I know after so much work is that I
09:15 -> can't keep silent. I have to express it.
09:18 -> I have to share it even if it's sharing
09:20 -> it just on the page but preferably with
09:24 -> you know a safe person. And what my
09:26 -> grief actually wants. And I can feel it
09:29 -> in my gut right now
09:32 -> is to be expressed
09:39 -> and shared.
09:41 -> And it wants to
09:46 -> be free of my body.
09:51 -> Like it doesn't need to be held inside
09:53 -> of me. It needs to flow outside of me.
09:57 -> And from this place of reflection, I
10:01 -> want to turn to how can I make this
10:06 -> expression of grief visible knowing it
10:09 -> wants to be free of my body? How could I
10:14 -> express that? Right? How could I express
10:17 -> that?
10:20 -> And there's a lot of different ways. and
10:22 -> grab my trusty box of oil pastels. One
10:25 -> of my favorite creamy smooy tools to use
10:29 -> for this experience.
10:31 -> And um
10:35 -> another thing like I'm thinking about
10:37 -> it's like there's ways to release the
10:40 -> grief on the page. One a great one is
10:42 -> tearing paper, right? So part of me is
10:45 -> feeling like do I want to color first or
10:48 -> tear paper? But what if you know there's
10:50 -> this sort of sense of the the hidden
10:55 -> feeling of grief that wants to be
10:59 -> released and revealed right in this
11:02 -> journal. Um right now how grief feels
11:09 -> is sort of dark and tight, right? And
11:13 -> it's like it's like that weight of that
11:15 -> stone at the bottom and yet it's
11:19 -> spiraling up which can feel really
11:21 -> overwhelming and like it's going to
11:25 -> consume me and take over if I don't let
11:28 -> it up and out, right? And so I want to
11:31 -> just create some breathing space in that
11:34 -> grief. really create some movement and a
11:37 -> channel here
11:39 -> for the that sorrow to flow up and out,
11:44 -> right? Like a river flows.
11:48 -> Because when I can see it, then
11:52 -> I know what I need. Maybe I need to go
11:56 -> outside and maybe I need to dance and
11:59 -> stomp and shake and move my body. Um, as
12:03 -> much as I love creative reflection, I
12:06 -> believe in movement, um, sematic
12:09 -> expressions of our emotions and feelings
12:12 -> too. And dance is one of my favorite.
12:14 -> Beating a drum, beating a pillow. Um,
12:18 -> I'm noticing, you know, that underneath
12:21 -> this sorrow, there's definitely a little
12:24 -> fire and anger right under there. like
12:28 -> that gets trapped underneath because
12:31 -> there's no safe expression of those big
12:34 -> emotions. And so some of that is asking
12:37 -> to be free and to be let free again in
12:41 -> this safe container where I can
12:46 -> let go of these emotions, but I'm not
12:48 -> letting go of them at anyone. Right?
12:52 -> like um
12:54 -> it's hard to find people sometimes that
12:57 -> can hold space for your big emotions.
13:00 -> So, if you don't have that person in
13:02 -> your life, this is beautiful. And what I
13:06 -> recommend is this and
13:08 -> finding someone to share these big
13:12 -> emotions. And if you're on social media
13:15 -> at all right now, there are so many big
13:19 -> emotions being shared which can be
13:22 -> overwhelming in its own right.
13:28 -> And it feels like there's light at the
13:31 -> top, right? If I let some of this rise
13:35 -> up to the top, there's light. But if I
13:38 -> keep this all tight up in here like
13:42 -> this, like nothing's happening. This
13:44 -> feels really far away and there's just a
13:47 -> little trickle
13:49 -> of expression, right? So this might be
13:52 -> one way to express some of the grief.
13:58 -> Another way is to really connect with
14:01 -> our body and to simply you know draw
14:08 -> a shape. I want to give you two ways
14:11 -> today. Um draw a
14:16 -> simple stick figure and notice where is
14:20 -> grief in your body. Right? So, I can
14:24 -> feel that grief is here
14:27 -> and it's here and it feels like it's
14:30 -> heavy and it's like it's being pushed
14:32 -> down because I didn't have a place to
14:35 -> express it. And so, if I'm not careful,
14:39 -> right, what could happen is it can
14:41 -> explode,
14:43 -> right? And that's sometimes like this
14:45 -> last few days with what's happening in
14:48 -> our country. There's this like it just
14:50 -> wants to explode. And we can use our
14:54 -> hands and a great tool like oil pastels
14:57 -> or crayons to let some of it up and out.
15:02 -> And the more that we get in there and
15:04 -> really like I can feel that in my gut,
15:07 -> you probably hear it a little bit in my
15:09 -> voice and in my chest
15:11 -> wanting to move up and out. And so the
15:14 -> more frequently we make time to deal
15:18 -> with unresolved grief, then we have less
15:22 -> of this chaos and we can allow that to
15:25 -> just move up and out, right? Or down
15:29 -> into the earth through stomping and
15:32 -> dancing and it doesn't feel so
15:34 -> allconsuming.
15:36 -> So often big emotions like grief become
15:40 -> all consuming. all consuming because we
15:43 -> don't have safe ways to express it. So,
15:48 -> I'm looking at this almost like this is
15:51 -> what's kind of happening on the surface,
15:53 -> but when I really dig down into the
15:56 -> process, noticing how that grief is
16:00 -> really wanting to break free, come out
16:03 -> of my body onto the page.
16:08 -> And from this place then we want to take
16:11 -> some time
16:13 -> to really integrate and notice. And my
16:16 -> integration was very verbal while I was
16:20 -> drawing here. But I want you to think
16:24 -> about how can I
16:28 -> honor my grief.
16:36 -> So, drawing,
16:39 -> painting,
16:42 -> dancing,
16:44 -> these are all ways that I can honor my
16:48 -> grief. And notice these are all
16:50 -> physical. I'm not thinking. I'm not
16:53 -> ruminating. I'm not spinning, but I'm
16:56 -> looking for ways to be with my grief.
17:05 -> So hopefully if you're dealing with
17:08 -> unresolved grief or present day grief, I
17:12 -> hope this helps a little bit. I feel
17:15 -> today a bit like I could fill quite a
17:19 -> few pages in my journal with just this
17:23 -> raw expression of emotion.
17:27 -> And perhaps you did, too. I'd love to
17:31 -> hear from you in the comments. What
17:32 -> grief are you noticing?
17:34 -> Where do you notice it in your body?
17:38 -> Maybe what symbol or visual came to you
17:42 -> as you were working in this process. And
17:45 -> if this process of self-discovery on the
17:50 -> page through creative reflection appeals
17:52 -> to you, I'd love for you to subscribe,
17:56 -> to like, to comment on this video. make
17:59 -> sure that others know that there are
18:03 -> alternative ways to work with our
18:06 -> emotions and our healing by using this
18:10 -> creative reflection process. Thanks for
18:12 -> being here. I'm Dr. Manette Ryarden. Get
18:15 -> my face back over here. And I appreciate
18:18 -> you being here. Thank you.