When You Feel Like Stopping: The Truth About Healing after age 50

We’re about 40 days into this 100 Days of Creative Discovery journey.

And I want to be really honest with you…

This is the point where it starts to feel like a lot.

I’m noticing it in myself.
I’m noticing it in the energy of the comments.

There’s a little drop-off happening.

And if I don’t do my creative reflection first thing in the morning, the day gets away from me and I think…

Oh well. I’ll double up tomorrow.

And the truth is?

There’s nothing wrong with any of that.

This Is the Moment Where It Gets Real

This is the part of the journey that no one really talks about.

The beginning is full of energy.

There’s excitement.
Curiosity.
Momentum.

But then something shifts.

Life gets busy.
You miss a day… or a few.
The prompts start to feel more personal.
More vulnerable.

And you start to wonder:

What did I sign up for?

Or even…

Do I keep going?

I’ve felt all of that.

And I’m still here.

Healing Looks a Lot Like This

The Day 36 prompt was:

What does healing actually look like in real life?

And what I’m realizing is…

Healing looks a lot like this 100 day project.

It looks like:

Starting… and stopping… and starting again.
Losing momentum.
Forgetting… and remembering.

One day wanting to do four prompts…
And the next day not wanting to do one.

It looks like resistance — not just to doing the work,
but sometimes to being seen in it.

And it looks like choosing, day after day, to come back anyway.

Because healing… just like this 100-day project…

Is not linear.

It’s Not a Straight Line. It’s a Mountain Path.

Healing is not a straight path.

It’s not neat.
It’s not consistent.
It’s not a smooth walk around the block.

It’s more like a hike in the mountains.

Up hills.
Down into valleys.
Into the clouds.
Back into the sunlight.

And sometimes you stop.

Sometimes you rest.

Sometimes you wonder if you’re even going the right way.

But you’re still on the path.

You’re Not Behind. You’re Right Here.

If you’ve missed days…

If you’ve fallen off…

If you’ve been watching but not participating…

It doesn’t matter.

Start where you are.

That is always the most important place.

The First Step Is Self-Acceptance

One of the deepest insights for me right now is this:

Healing begins with self-acceptance.

Not the kind where we look in the mirror and say,
“I love everything I see.”

But the kind that says:

I see you.
I accept you.
Right here, as you are.

Because we can’t move forward if we’re:

• holding onto who we think we should be

• or focused only on what we think needs to be fixed

You are not broken.

You are evolving.

I’ve Come Further Than I Thought

This might be the biggest realization for me so far:

I’ve come further than I give myself credit for.

And at the same time…

There is still healing to do.

There are still places where I:

• stay small

• choose invisibility

• avoid what feels uncomfortable

Both things are true.

Growth… and more to grow.

Healing… and more healing.

Healing Looks Different Now

What I’m also noticing is this:

Healing at this stage of life looks very different than it did before.

In my 20s.
In my 30s.
Even in earlier seasons of my life.

Now there is:

More wisdom.
More awareness.
More ability to name and release things more quickly.

I don’t need to linger in the old stories the way I once did.

But I still need to listen when something asks for my attention.

What Does Healing Look Like For You?

So today, I want to invite you into this question:

What does healing actually look like in your life right now?

Not the ideal version.

The real version.

The messy version.
The layered version.
The human version.

The version that includes:

Starts and stops
Moments of clarity
Moments of resistance
Seasons of growth
Seasons of rest

This Is Not About Finishing

This journey — and healing itself — is not about finishing.

Or finishing perfectly.

It’s about returning.

Again and again.

It’s about becoming.

It’s about noticing:

This is where I am.

And staying open to:

What might be possible next.

If You’re Still Working your Way through the 100 day project…

If you’re still here — even a little bit…

Even quietly…

You’re doing it.

You’re in it.

And that is enough.

Let’s keep going.

On Youtube

Transcript

00:00 -> We're almost 40 days into our 100 days
00:06 -> of creative discovery.
00:08 -> It's a little bit hard to believe that
00:11 -> I'm still here because I certainly have
00:15 -> started and not finished many 100 day
00:18 -> projects. And I have started and
00:21 -> finished quite a few others as well. But
00:25 -> I want to be really honest with you
00:27 -> today because I'm already seeing a drop
00:30 -> off. Noticing that there's fewer
00:33 -> comments, noticing where my own energy
00:37 -> flags a little bit and if I don't get my
00:42 -> own creative reflection process done in
00:45 -> the morning, the day goes by and I'm
00:48 -> like, "Oh man, I didn't get it done. Oh
00:50 -> well, I'll double up tomorrow."
00:52 -> There's nothing wrong with any of that.
00:55 -> So, hello, welcome. I'm so glad you're
00:57 -> here. I'm Dr. Manette Ryarden. I am the
01:00 -> founder of a company called Mindful
01:01 -> Patterns that is all about supporting
01:05 -> women 55 plus to use art and journaling
01:11 -> in a powerful process I call the
01:13 -> creative reflection pages practice
01:16 -> to reconnect with the truth of who they
01:19 -> are in a way that goes a lot deeper is a
01:23 -> lot more fun and a lot faster than
01:26 -> traditional methods of self-discovery.
01:29 -> The 100 day project feels a little bit
01:32 -> like a self-help book and I want to just
01:35 -> read it and put it on the shelf. It's
01:38 -> actually the opposite of a self-help
01:39 -> book is what I meant to say. It feels
01:42 -> like I want to read it and put it on on
01:44 -> the shelf. But when it comes to the 100
01:46 -> day project, we actually have to do it,
01:49 -> right? We actually have to do the
01:51 -> hundred days. And it's hard. I'm here to
01:55 -> acknowledge that it's hard. Maybe you've
01:57 -> missed a few days like I have. I got
01:59 -> sick for a whole week. Maybe you've been
02:02 -> watching but not participating. You've
02:05 -> been listening or even reading and
02:08 -> thinking about the prompts but not doing
02:10 -> your own creative reflection process.
02:12 -> Maybe you felt resistance creeping in.
02:16 -> And I'm saying all of that because I
02:18 -> felt it all too. I felt the pressure of
02:21 -> creating these videos every single day.
02:25 -> Even though I chose to do that because
02:28 -> my theme for the year is visibility,
02:30 -> number one, and number two, I thrive on
02:33 -> accountability, but this is that moment
02:36 -> where I can start to question what did I
02:40 -> sign up for? What did I think I was
02:42 -> doing? But it's also the place I'm
02:44 -> noticing where the work is starting to
02:47 -> get deeper, the prompts to feel a little
02:50 -> more personal, a lot more ver
02:52 -> vulnerable. the novelty wears off. My
02:56 -> life has gotten busier, right? And then
02:59 -> the question becomes, do I keep going?
03:02 -> But I said I would in integrity. I have
03:05 -> to keep going. So today I want to I want
03:08 -> to talk about that because our prompt
03:10 -> for today mirrors
03:14 -> what healing feels like. And our prompt
03:17 -> today is what does healing actually look
03:21 -> like in real life? Well, it looks like a
03:25 -> lifetime of creative discovery, right?
03:28 -> And it looks like ups and downs and ins
03:32 -> and outs and stops and pauses. It rarely
03:35 -> looks like consistency.
03:38 -> I've had moments of clarity. I've had
03:40 -> many breakthroughs, but I've struggled
03:44 -> with consistent motivation. Right? I
03:47 -> know that I need structure. I need to
03:49 -> get up in the morning and come down here
03:51 -> and do my own creative discovery work
03:54 -> first thing in the morning. It's what
03:56 -> works for me. And I have come up with
03:59 -> all kinds of reasons why I couldn't do
04:01 -> that.
04:03 -> And it fascinates me how healing mirrors
04:08 -> the journey of a process like the 100
04:12 -> days of creative discovery. It feels
04:15 -> like stopping and starting again. It
04:18 -> feels like losing momentum. It feels
04:20 -> like forgetting and remembering. It
04:24 -> feels like, "Oh, I have extra time. I
04:27 -> want to do four prompts today." And then
04:30 -> tomorrow it's like, "Oh, I don't even
04:32 -> want to do one today." It's noticing my
04:35 -> resistance, not always to doing the
04:38 -> prompt, but to sharing what I discovered
04:40 -> in the prompt. And it's choosing day
04:44 -> after day after day to come back anyway
04:47 -> because healing just like our creative
04:49 -> practice just like the 100 day p
04:53 -> project is not linear.
04:56 -> Our own personal healing journey is
05:00 -> never linear. It's not straight. It's
05:03 -> not simple. It's certainly not a flat
05:05 -> easy walk around the block. It's a hike
05:08 -> in the Rocky Mountains where I live. Up
05:11 -> hills, down into valleys, up into the
05:14 -> clouds, back down into the sunshine
05:16 -> again. And I want you to think about
05:20 -> your own forays into the 100 days of
05:24 -> creative discovery
05:26 -> through the lens of this is a healing
05:28 -> journey. I don't know that I set out and
05:32 -> stated to myself or to you at the
05:34 -> beginning that this is a healing
05:36 -> journey. So, if you've fallen behind, it
05:40 -> doesn't matter. If you just discovered
05:42 -> my channel for the first time today,
05:45 -> welcome. It doesn't matter. Start where
05:48 -> you are is always the most important
05:51 -> thing to talk about. One of my favorite
05:54 -> things that I get to do is I run a
05:58 -> beautiful membership community called
05:59 -> the Sisterhood of Wisdom and Wonder. And
06:03 -> in the sisterhood, we have a monthly
06:06 -> story, myth, fairy tale, fable, poem, or
06:10 -> sometimes even a song that we use as a
06:13 -> metaphor for looking at our own lives
06:15 -> and for making art and journaling. So
06:18 -> the prompt inside the sisterhood rather
06:20 -> than a question is often a story. And
06:23 -> our theme this month is self-acceptance.
06:26 -> And I feel like self-acceptance is that
06:29 -> first stop on the healing journey. It's
06:33 -> about pausing and looking at where am I
06:37 -> right now in this moment. It's not about
06:40 -> I need to look in the mirror and go I
06:42 -> love what I see. It's about oh
06:46 -> I see you Manette. I see you and I
06:50 -> accept you. It's not about changing what
06:53 -> I see or how I feel. It's about honoring
06:56 -> where I am in the moment. It's about
06:59 -> being present with what is because I
07:02 -> can't change if one, I'm holding on to
07:05 -> some idealized version of what I think I
07:08 -> should be, or two, I'm simply looking at
07:13 -> all of the flaws and everything I think
07:14 -> that needs to be fixed. I don't believe
07:16 -> that any of us need to be fixed because
07:18 -> I don't believe that we're broken. I
07:21 -> feel like we're always evolving. We're
07:23 -> always healing and healing journeys can
07:27 -> be really challenging. They can be
07:29 -> really deep and powerful and sometimes
07:31 -> we need a break. We need some playtime.
07:34 -> We need to get out into the sunshine and
07:36 -> literally go smell the spring flowers. I
07:39 -> was out for a beautiful walk this
07:41 -> morning and all of the um crab apple
07:45 -> trees are blooming and a variety of
07:48 -> other trees are blooming. The daffodils
07:50 -> are up. My tulips were up this morning
07:53 -> and it reminded me literally to stop and
07:56 -> smell the flowers right in the I know
07:59 -> it's roses. There's no roses yet here.
08:02 -> But it's that sense of also remembering
08:06 -> I'm not behind on my own healing
08:09 -> journey. I'm simply at where I'm at
08:12 -> right here, right now in this moment. So
08:16 -> in your page today, I want you to
08:18 -> explore
08:20 -> through your reflection and through your
08:22 -> collage, what is healing actually look
08:25 -> like in my life right now? Not that
08:28 -> ideal version, but the real version, the
08:31 -> messy human version,
08:34 -> the the version that says, "Today I'm
08:37 -> growing. Tomorrow I'm sinking. I feel
08:40 -> like I'm still in the winter or I'm in
08:43 -> full summer and autumn abundance. And in
08:47 -> this
08:49 -> collage and reflection through our
08:51 -> creative reflection pages process, you
08:54 -> might explore
08:56 -> as a metaphor. This idea of what does
08:59 -> healing look like could be very similar
09:01 -> to what does your creative practice look
09:03 -> like? There's starts and stops. There's
09:06 -> some softness and delight, but also
09:08 -> effort. There's cycles, there's
09:11 -> fragments, there layers.
09:14 -> And then ask yourself and think about
09:17 -> also
09:19 -> where have I already been healing and it
09:22 -> didn't look the way I expected
09:25 -> because the journey of healing and the
09:28 -> journey of this 100 days of creative
09:30 -> discovery isn't about finishing or
09:34 -> finishing perfectly. It's about
09:36 -> returning. It's about becoming. It's
09:40 -> about self-acceptance and noticing
09:44 -> here's where I am. Naming this is where
09:46 -> I am on the journey and staying open and
09:49 -> curious to where you might go next and
09:52 -> what might be possible. And if you're
09:55 -> still here with me, and today is day 36
10:00 -> of our journey together, if you're still
10:02 -> here with me, it might get harder, it
10:05 -> might get easier, but we're going to
10:07 -> keep going. And I am going to be here
10:11 -> right along beside you. Right? This is
10:14 -> I'm here to mirror. What does it look
10:16 -> like to succeed, fail, try, stop and
10:20 -> start at my own healing journey on the
10:23 -> path to visibility
10:25 -> through the structure of this 100 days
10:28 -> of creative discovery?
10:31 -> And when I started thinking, you can see
10:34 -> I haven't done any writing yet because I
10:36 -> knew I wanted to come in and share some
10:39 -> thoughts and ideas with you. But when I
10:42 -> started thinking about this healing
10:45 -> journey, it feels like I have a lot more
10:49 -> images than I do words. And I want to
10:52 -> say that's okay, too. And that it needs
10:55 -> to be multi-layered.
10:57 -> Like there's this beautiful older self
11:01 -> holding this more childlike self. There
11:05 -> are times when life feels like spring.
11:12 -> and things are blooming. There are times
11:14 -> when it feels like I am lost in the
11:19 -> forest, right? She may not even get
11:21 -> attached. She feels like a cute little
11:23 -> peeper doll that I can that travel on me
11:27 -> with this journey. There's sometimes I'm
11:29 -> lost in the forest. There's sometimes
11:32 -> where I am lost in the weeds, right?
11:36 -> There's something about this uh teacup
11:39 -> with this silly little looks like an old
11:43 -> school windup rabbit in it. And this is
11:45 -> like a 3D montage that this artist Jenny
11:49 -> Phyious created that just is so
11:53 -> delightful and childlike but also is
11:57 -> nostalgic and multi-layered and reminds
12:00 -> me of the stories. Right? So what
12:03 -> happens when I place her on the story?
12:06 -> So sometimes we need time for those
12:10 -> collages to come together for those
12:13 -> layered pieces like there's some stormy
12:17 -> skies and this looks like maybe a
12:21 -> moonrise. that there's a lot going on in
12:26 -> my healing journey that doesn't look
12:29 -> straight or simple
12:33 -> or obvious. That looks like moving
12:37 -> through those seasons of change over and
12:41 -> over again. And it almost feels like
12:43 -> just ripping pieces of images and
12:47 -> creating something very layered. So, I'm
12:50 -> not sure what I'm going to do with the
12:52 -> collage. I like the images that I've
12:55 -> gathered. I have more than enough
12:57 -> images, but also noticing when do I need
13:01 -> to just sit with this prompt, right?
13:04 -> When do I just need to sit with this
13:06 -> prompt for a little bit? So, I will
13:10 -> remind you that this is um already and
13:15 -> to celebrate that we are on I'm going to
13:18 -> go back here.
13:20 -> Day 34.
13:22 -> Day 35. And I love how these themes are
13:28 -> sort of stacking up for me, right? Um
13:31 -> this one, last week's themes really
13:34 -> touched me a lot. So, this was what if
13:38 -> my body became my ally? Loved that
13:41 -> prompt. And what gives me real vitality?
13:46 -> And then the opposite of that, what
13:48 -> drains my energy or vitality? There were
13:51 -> so many good reminders in here. And this
13:55 -> one also feels like that very
13:57 -> multi-layered
13:59 -> story where this one feels sad. It feels
14:04 -> like walking that tightroppe.
14:07 -> Looking at what am I still carrying in
14:09 -> my body leads us into what is my what
14:13 -> does healing really look like in my
14:14 -> life? Well, guess what my friends? It
14:17 -> looks like all of this, right? It looks
14:20 -> like every page that I have created so
14:24 -> far around embodied vitality. So, here
14:29 -> we are already on day 36
14:37 -> of our 100 days
14:41 -> of creative discovery.
14:47 -> and your prompt today.
14:55 -> Make sure I get the phrasing right. Look
14:58 -> at my notes because it's such a great
15:00 -> prompt. What does healing actually look
15:04 -> like? Right. What does healing and this
15:08 -> will be in the discussion as well. But
15:13 -> what does healing actually
15:19 -> look like
15:22 -> in my life? In
15:26 -> my life.
15:30 -> And I would even add in my life now
15:32 -> because as I'm even just writing the
15:35 -> prompt, you know, my brain starts going
15:38 -> already into the reflection stage of our
15:42 -> process here. And what I'm seeing is
15:47 -> that healing looks very different now
15:51 -> than it did in my 20s when I went into
15:54 -> the therapy for the first time. Right?
15:57 -> It's very different than in my 30s when
16:00 -> my husband and I were getting some life
16:05 -> and relationship coaching together. It
16:08 -> looks very different than my own deep
16:11 -> work that I've done off and on
16:14 -> throughout my life. I have a lot more
16:17 -> wisdom that I bring now. I notice and
16:21 -> it's, you know, the benefit of just
16:23 -> moving through all of this so far is
16:26 -> that I'm able to name and claim things
16:31 -> and release them so much faster than
16:34 -> ever before. I don't need to linger,
16:38 -> right? And I think that's what I'm
16:40 -> loving. It's like there's no need to
16:42 -> linger in the old stories,
16:46 -> but the prompts are helping me name
16:51 -> what still requires my attention. Where
16:55 -> have I healed more than I've given
16:57 -> myself credit for?
16:59 -> And what does healing actually look
17:02 -> like? There's no need to linger in those
17:05 -> old stories
17:08 -> that the right stories and prompts come
17:11 -> up to be released.
17:15 -> So the right stories are revealed
17:17 -> through this process, right? So I can
17:20 -> heal and release them.
17:26 -> I've come further than I thought I had.
17:30 -> I've I can't talk and write. I've come
17:34 -> further
17:35 -> than I thought I had.
17:40 -> Those are just some of those
17:44 -> reflections that I'm thinking about and
17:46 -> the integration piece of talking through
17:50 -> this with you today. you know, looking
17:53 -> at these images and this sweet little
17:57 -> doll character traveling through the the
18:00 -> seasons and the layers of healing that
18:02 -> I've done in my life. You know, the the
18:04 -> biggest I would say insight here maybe
18:07 -> instead of integration is a better word.
18:10 -> My biggest insight so far is I've come
18:14 -> further than I give myself credit for.
18:27 -> On the one hand,
18:29 -> right, I've come further than I give
18:31 -> myself credit for. On the other hand,
18:35 -> there's more healing to do.
18:38 -> There's still places where I'm stuck,
18:41 -> where I'm being invisible, where I'm not
18:44 -> choosing
18:46 -> self-care and tending to my physical
18:49 -> body. There's still places in my life
18:52 -> where I don't want to talk about that. I
18:54 -> don't want to share that. I don't want
18:56 -> that to become visible. There's still
18:58 -> healing to do. So I think there will
19:01 -> always be healing to do and that we have
19:04 -> the opportunity
19:07 -> as we get older to do it in fits and
19:10 -> starts as it serves and nourishes us.
19:15 -> So, my invitation to all of you today is
19:18 -> to flip back through what have you done?
19:21 -> Whether you've done one prompt or 10 or
19:24 -> 15 or all 35 so far, and notice,
19:31 -> sorry about that. Notice where you are
19:34 -> right now. And what is this healing
19:36 -> journey look like for you so far? It
19:38 -> hasn't looked like anything that I
19:40 -> expected it to look like. And we have
19:43 -> five more days. 36 37 38 39 40 if I can
19:47 -> do the math. Um, five more days of this
19:49 -> theme of embodied vitality and then
19:52 -> we'll move into a new theme. And I'm
19:56 -> traveling next week. So from a Tuesday
20:00 -> to Tuesday. So I also will be talking
20:03 -> next Monday about how am I going to take
20:06 -> my 100 day project on the road. But the
20:10 -> prompts for this week are in the
20:13 -> discussion of the video or in the
20:16 -> description of the video. The rest of
20:19 -> the week I will be in my shorts sharing
20:22 -> what I'm up to. And I mean in my short
20:26 -> videos, not my actual shorts. Little
20:29 -> quirky um humor there. But thank you if
20:33 -> you're still here. Thank you. If this is
20:34 -> your first time here, thank you. Your
20:36 -> feedback, your comments, and your likes
20:39 -> are just joyful reciprocity. They keep
20:42 -> me going. So, the more you comment and
20:46 -> like my videos, the more energy I have
20:49 -> also to keep going. So, I'm asking for
20:52 -> your support. Like the video, leave me a
20:55 -> comment. Let me know how it's going or
20:57 -> if this is your first time here. And I'd
21:00 -> also love to hear in the comments, what
21:04 -> is healing actually look like in your
21:06 -> life right now? Because I don't know
21:08 -> about you, what I'm getting from talking
21:12 -> this through with you today is that it
21:14 -> doesn't look like it used to. It's not
21:17 -> necessarily easier,
21:20 -> but it definitely feels like I bring a
21:22 -> different level of wisdom and ability to
21:26 -> move through things more quickly. And
21:29 -> there's still work to do. I'm Dr.
21:31 -> Manette Ryarden. This is Queen of My Own
21:33 -> Damn Story. Thank you for joining me.
21:35 -> I'm so delighted that you're here. Click
21:38 -> that subscribe button. Come back for
21:40 -> more. and I'll see you next Monday in a
21:43 -> longer form video talking about how I'm
21:45 -> taking my 100 day project on the road. I
21:47 -> look forward to it. Until then, I am off
21:50 -> to cut and glue some paper which feels
21:54 -> both healing and delightful. Thanks my
21:56 -> friends.